Too Broken To See

 

I don’t know how I became so foolish.

I didn’t see it coming

I guess I thought I have mistaken it for friendship

Since I was broken, alone and in the state of solidarity

Willow sighed as she read the poem she had written a while ago. She slouched back on the bench she was sitting on in the middle of a beautiful park in Indianapolis. She adjusted her glasses since it was boring into the bridge of her nose. She was so sure it would leave a red mark but she didn’t care because the mark that her friend left her was far worst.

I feel so abused

I’ve just been used

You broke my walls

And let me fall

You we’re supposed to be my friend

Sadly, it hurts to see our friendship end

You wanted to be me

And it was so blind for me to see

You were copying me

Ready to push me off a cliff when I’m on my weakest

You helped me so that I can call you the greatest

When in truth you were waiting

Waiting for my world to fall apart

You took my identity

You took everything away from me

My works, my ideas, my dreams

It all disappeared at the seams

Willow grimaced at the rest of the poem. She seldom writes poems as shallow as this. She usually writes the best when she feels down casted or when her bottle of feelings is exploding with such emotions. But right now, her mind is a mess. A complete mess. She had it all figured out, she already planned her life at age fifteen. Though she knew that not everything goes as planned, she has several back up plans and if everything else fails, she knew she’s strong enough to handle every situation. She survived the bad times and she was sure as hell ready for the worst, but the her plans took a detour to heartbreak lane. Indeed a friendship break up was far worst than breaking up with her ex boyfriend from two years ago. In fact, she was furious at herself for not realizing Gracie’s true intentions; she couldn’t forgive herself for not believing at Ian. He warned her about Gracie. He was just looking out for her, but her stubbornness and grief got the best of her.

“Leave her, Willow. Can’t you see she’s trying to take everything from you?”

“What? How can you say that Ian? How can you be so mean to her?”

“She’s not your friend!”

“Yes she is!”

“You can’t replace Callie”

Willow was taken aback. She couldn’t believe the words that came out of her boyfriend’s mouth. Tears breaches on the waterline of her eyes a wave of sorrow and grief flooded her system. How can her boyfriend think that she was replacing Callie? How can he even brought her up? Can’t he just leave her in peace?

Ian realized what he just said. He reaches for Willow but was hurt to see her took a step back.

“I-I’m not” she replied and a tear started sliding down her check. “I’m not replacing Callie okay?” she gritted. “It’s been three years since she–” a lump formed in her throat. She didn’t know if she could continue to talk anymore but she soon found the courage to “–died” she whispered, barely audible to Ian’s ear but he knew what she said, “After that I was lost Ian. I saw my best friend suffer from Cancer. Do you know how hard that is?”

“Yes, I know” Ian said sternly. “I was there the whole time remember? And she was also my friend. We were all lost and in such great grief after losing her. She was smart and talented and you two dreamed of taking on the world someday, remember? Do you know how sad it is to lose someone who could’ve changed the world? Who could’ve been the first female president of the United States?”

“My point is, I get it. You’re still grieving but befriending someone like Gracie won’t make Callie happy”

“Just leave her in peace okay!” Willow cried

“Do you ever wonder why Gracie Shuck doesn’t have friends? Do you ever wonder why girls in our school avoids her?” Willow just stood there “Because Will, she destroys the life of others. She takes advantage of people, she’s a copy cat, she steals someone else’s life.”

“Heck she’s like Lizzie Caplan’s character in the first season of Smallville” he continued.

Willow snickered. ‘Gods, how can he still make references at a situation like this.’ she thought as she shook her head.

“You’re wrong” She spat. “If you can’t accept what I’m going to do with my life then you’re terrible friend” It was now Willow’s turn to make a reference.

“A terrible boyfriend” she added.

Ian ‘s eyes fell on the ground he knew where this conversation was going. He braced himself but wishes that this is not what he thinks it is. He can’t lose her. No. He can’t.

“Go” Willow mustered all her courage to say that one simple word. “I never want to see your face again”

There it is, like a brick hitting Ian’s heart into pieces. He looked for sympathy but Willow’s golden orbs avoided his blue ones.

“Will–”

Willow took a step back and shook her head. She kept her head down low, her hair covering her face but it was clear tears were streaming down her face.

Ian gradually nodded, respecting her girlfriend–ex girlfriend’s request. He secretly wishes it’s just some petty fight couples have or a cool off between them.

But after that day, Willow avoided him as much as possible.

For the next three years Willow and Gracie became the bestest of friends. They shared secrets, helped out one another, gave advices, everything that best friends do, you name it.

Senior Year came and Willow wasn’t so sure about Gracie anymore. How can she be foolish to see that Gracie was copying her. At first she was flattered but as time goes by she soon realized her true colors. Gracie started stealing her ideas, she started to be mad at Willow whenever she doesn’t let her copy her homework. Gracie used her and her dreams to create her own path in life.

Blood boiled inside Willow. She gripped the pen tight, turning her knuckles into milky white.

‘I hate you’

‘I hate you’

‘I hate you, you fugly bitch’ was all she could think of.

She angrily turned a page and started scribing her feelings.

‘I never heard you talk about wanting to go to New York University. When I decided to go, you talked about how it was the dream college of your life even though we both knew you had no idea of life after high school and you only chose to attend NYU because I got in. Guess what? I know your secret. I don’t know how you did it , but bravo for cheating your way into NYU. You’ve always talked about wanting to pursue a course in Political Science and I was shocked to know that you were planning to take up my course too. I knew you weren’t that great in telling the truth but our course needs that. As journalists, we must serve truth and integrity with every word’

A woman having a jog looked at Willow weirdly for murdering her book with words. She just shot the woman daggers and continued to let all her feelings out

‘One question, are you really my friend? Or part of your plan? Stealing my ideas, claiming that its yours, stealing my dreams, heck even almost stealing my identity. I poured my heart out to you–talking about my dreams, my goals and plans. I asked advice from you whenever I’m struggling. It is just now I realized you never truly gave me good advices, I guess hearing all my problems made you a lot better, you were happy I have them.’

‘Guess should’ve have stuck with the statistics that 70% of people doesn’t care about other people’s problems and 30% were glad that people have them.  I guess I should’ve believed that video I watched about three things people shouldn’t share with other people; plans in life is a part of that’

‘You definitely chose the wrong time to mess with me. Good luck passing college bitch’ Willow swallowed, she wasn’t used in cursing but she just can’t help it. She was so furious at Gracie for what she did. She didn’t just hurt Willow but Willow’s family too. She got into a deep depression and missed two semesters of college. But Willow, as a fighter and survivor managed to get back to her A game.

‘I’m back. Alive and well. Two semesters were just what I needed to find my soul again, to rekindle and truly find my passion. I’ve heard you’ve  failed three courses already. Guess life’s tough without me, huh? Talent, skill, hard work and determination is what you need to survive this so-called  hell-ish place we call the world. Mediocrity won’t take you anywhere in life’

Once Willow was finished she battled whether to send this to Gracie or not. It came out too harsh that what she expected.

“Ah fuck it” she said and ripped the page from her notebook. She folded it and took out an envelope from one of the pockets of her travel journal. She quickly scribbled NYU’s address and wrote Gracie’s name in the most grotesque handwriting. She hoped the mailman understands her penmanship. She stood up and dropped the envelope of bomb into the mail box. Her heart jumped when she couldn’t see the letter anymore. Part of her wanted to take it back but another part of her tells her that Gracie needs to hear those harsh words anyway.

She nodded and smiled

‘Here’s to a fresh start. Berkeley University, meet Willow McKenzie…the one to break the misconception on liberal arts, a future painter.’

Now that’s a talent no one can truly copy. It’s about finding your own style and being original and unique.

Willow was enjoying her walk when she suddenly remembered, she wanted to add something to the skin deep poem she had written earlier. She took out her book from her messenger bag and added a two more lines

I feel so alone

Yet I think I’m going to be fine on my own

Willow’s lips curled. ‘Here’s to new beginnings’

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Too Broken To See

  1. Nichol says:

    hello, i found your blog by accident (well by searching ust shs humss in google hihihi) and it makes me happy to find out that the blogger of this blog is also a humss student and a writer! well i just finished reading your work above and your writing skills, i must say, is so so so good! i’m an incoming humss student in grade 11 too (and yes, in ust hoho) and it fascinates me whenever i discover people who share the same passion as me- writing. have a nice day and keep on writing as a means of conveying yourself to the world! 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • endlessdreamersjournal says:

      Thank you so much! I’m still learning though, “Too Broken To See” was kind of rushed so I never expected anyone to compliment about my writing in that blogpost. Again, thank you 🙂

      And hey, congrats on passing the USTET, you’re finally a Thomasian. Good luck on your UST journey and adventures.

      Like

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