Dear 2016 (Somethin’ Personal)

Dear 2016,

I’m gonna lie if I say you were great because you weren’t. You were a pain in the ass, you were full of shit. You made me cry and laugh and cry and cry…but thanks.

You made me stronger. I learned a lot from you. You made me realize that I am stronger than I think I am.

If I would explain you in percentage I think you would be 40% great and 60% shitty.

So here’s a letter–an overview of my bests and worst during your reign for the past year with all your shenanigans and surprises that not only left me shocked but the whole world. (Trump? Really?)

Now hang in there because this is one hell of a letter.

A lot of blessings showered over me for the first few months of your year. I got a lot of perfect scores on my Third Quarter Examination and because of that I earned 400 pesos from dad. 100 pesos each subject. Then of course, finals was approaching but it passed by quickly since we lack time. I was glad it went fast because I was so eager to graduate Junior High School and just leave Southernside Montessori and have a fresh start on my life–I wanted to reach the denouement of my Junior High School days and couldn’t wait to start my (very) long summer vacation to just clear my mind, have a soul-searching adventure and make it the best summer of my life. Hint: It backfired. Summer 2016 was a total battle between the best and worst summer of my life. (Later you’ll find out why)

Pressure, pressure, pressure. Breakdown, breakdown, breakdown. Yup, but those hardwork paid off by the end of the school year. I retained my rank and graduated Junior High School with honors, Second Achiever. What surprised me the most is I didn’t just win one but two academic races for this year. English Quiz Bee and General Information Quiz Bee. Two gold medals plus a plaque for being second achiever, what a great way to end my junior high school with a bang.

At the beginning of the year I doubted myself as a writer. I joined an out of school contest together with three of my fellow batchmates. The sad part is, they all won in their respective categories and I didn’t. I was so embarrassed because I was the only won who didn’t win. I felt so worthless. I questioned my abilities and future in the field of writing. It affected me so much, I felt like a total failure.

But I got over it. Failure isn’t the opposite of  success, it’s just part of it. A month later, February 24, my very first article was published on candymag.com. I was so ecstatic to see my byline on the website. Even though it was just on their website, I feel so proud of my work. It feels good to share your thoughts to the world and inspire people. It gives me a sense of felicity.

March 15, 2016, I (fucking) passed USTET. Seeing that I’m qualified to enroll in the Royal and Pontifical, the Catholic University of the Philippines, University of Santo Tomas made euphoric. I have prayed to pass the USTET since the night I took the test. I was so overjoyed that time I jumped from my seat and even shed a tear (of joy). I instantly texted mom, I want her to be the first person to know. I feel so blessed. Thanks for that 2016. One of the highlights of my year.

Summer of your year is probably the best and worst summer of my life. It was the best because almost five months summer vacation, who wouldn’t want that? But it wasn’t the summer I was expecting. I felt numb and immobile and the worst part is my external hard drive died. I had to say goodbye to all my files. RIP my external hard drive that contains my life (TV shows, movies, pictures, articles, etc.), May 9, 2016. But hey, before you ended, my 1 tb external hard drive got replaced by a 2 tb one. Thanks, dad 🙂

With that number of months for summer vacation, I dedicated my life in organizing my accounts. My tumblr blog, my two Instagram accounts, my Wattpad account and of course, starting my own blog here on WordPress.

Another highloight of my summer is attending UAAP Women’s volleyball games. D-L-S-U Animo La Salle! Seeing live volleyball action from the UAAP was enough to keep my adrenaline pumping throughout the whole game. Ateneo Lady Eagles vs De La Salle Lady Spikers games were intense. My heart thumping to the beat of the drums, singing my heart as I cheer with fellow fans and screaming to the top of my lungs whenever my favorite team scores was an amazing experience. The photobooths, the freebies, meeting other volleyball stars–it was a summer experience to remember.

Four months after my first article was published on candymag.com, another one of my work got published. This one received a lot of positive responses I even see people commenting that they relate so much to my article. Two candy girls  even messaged me thanking me for inspiring candy readers, the other one turned out to be one of my upcoming classmates. And yes, we instantly clicked and became friends.

2016, thank you for giving me the chance to attend my first ever convention. Asia Pop Comic Con Manila 2016 was another highlight of my year. I got to see Millie Bobby Brown, Nicholas Hoult and Claire Holt in person. I was actually there for Holland Roden, but she cancelled due to a conflict in her schedule. Now I’m hoping she’ll be able to attend next year (Wink, wink 2017). Still, I enjoyed. Spending my day surrounded with fandoms made me feel like I’m on cloud nine. I bought fandom merch, got a lot of freebies (Thanks HOOQ Ph), took a lot of pictures with cosplayers and collections. I was smiling ear to ear even on my way home. It was probably the last day I ever felt blissful before everything went to hell.

Time for reality to come crawling in, going to University of Santo Tomas, the moment that changed my life forever. I’ve never been so excited and nervous in my life before. But like I always say, if it makes you excited and nervous at the same time…do it. Go for it.

I knew numerous breakdowns, crying because of school work, a lot of challenges and bullshit and problems is part of the package when I chose to study in UST, but I took it anyway. I know that studying in UST would make me a better and stronger person, and it did. Despite the challenges and hardships in UST, I’m still happy for the new adventures, and memories I created and experienced. I’m thankful for the new friends I met. I’m grateful for the new knowledge and skills I learned during my first semester in the University.

I know I’ll keep fucking things up but that’s how you learn anyway. You learn when you mess up. As cliché as it might sound but you definitely learn from your mistakes.

I hate dorm life. I do. I thought I’ll love it and it would be just like the ones in the movies but no. I’m just finishing my one year contract and then I’m gonna kiss my dorm life’s ass goodbye. I prefer commuting anyways.

The second part of you 2016, was something I do not want to experience again. It was total blackness around me. I lost my motivation to study, I’m not  like the ‘Kath’ I used to be. I wanted the old me back and no matter how hard I try and pray in the Santisimo Rosario Church in the campus, it just keeps getting shittier. I guess that’s life anyway.

Right now, I’ve accepted the fact that everything won’t go back to the things they were before. I miss the days when everything was just easy. I miss the days when I still have time for myself and do the things I love even on a school night. I miss the feeling of passing every quizzes and receiving high marks on all my school work. I miss the feeling of being adored by teachers because of my performance in school. I miss the feeling of going to school on Monday with a smile plastered on my face because of the new school supplies I bought the day before. I miss the feeling of my pre-Christmas self during October. I miss the good old days.

The world is evolving, so am I. I am growing everyday. I’m learning every single day. And besides, things are meant to change. Change is constant, it’s the only thing constant in the world.

The feeling I felt during the last six months was something I cannot describe. Whenever I try to, I just endure all the emotions again and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Remembering it just makes me want to forget it.

2016, you were not the greatest year but I learned a lot from you.

You made feel lost just to come back and find myself even stronger.

You showed me the true colors of the people around me.

You taught me that family is important.

You taught me that sometimes, all the company you need is yourself and it’s not a sign of loneliness or weakness, it’s a sign of independence and strength.

You made me realize that life is tough, but so am I

My 2016 in bullet form

Best of 2016 (Thank you God, for the blessings)

  • Graduated Junior High School with honors (Second Achiever)
  • 1st place in English Quiz Bee
  • 1st place in General Information Quiz Bee
  • I (fucking) passed USTET
  • Supported DLSU Lady Spikers and attended some of their games
  • Attended DLSU Lady Spikers Meet and Greet
  • Two articles published on candymag.com
  • Started WordPress
  • Tried ‘bookstagram’–joined bookstagram challenges on Instagram
  • UST Freshmen Orientation
  • Thomasian Welcome Walk
  • Making history being part of UST’s Senior High School Pioneer Batch
  • UST Adventures
  • New experiences
  • Asia Pop Comic Con 2016
  • First Paskuhan
  • I fucking passed all of my courses

Worst of 2016

  • My 1 tb external hard drive died. It contains ALL MY LIFE.
  • I lost 300 pesos during UAAP Women’s Volleyball DLSU Lady Spikers vs ADMU
    Lady Eagles Finals Game 1 at Araneta Coliseum
  • Someone stole my green havaianas slippers with a golden leaf on the strap at Splash Island
  • David Bowie, Alan Rickman and Anton Yelchin died
  • Finding out that the Trifecta of young adult TV Shows are ending; Pretty Little Liars, Teen Wolf and The Vampire Diaries.
  • Losing my motivation, inspiration and enthusiasm in studying
  • No savings (Huhu I cri)
  • STRESS from all the school work.
  • A lot of mental breakdowns
  • Dorm (Ugh)
  • Home sickness
  • Sadness
  • Darkness
  • Losing hope that everything will come back to the way it was

Lessons from 2016

  • You showed me the true colors of the people around me. *coughs* *coughs*
  • You taught me that family is important.
  • I learned to be more independent
  • I have to level up my organizing and time management game
  • STOP BEING FUCKING LAZY
  • I should do the things that make me happy
  • You made me realize that life is tough, but so am I

2016,  you left me with so much strength. Thank you.

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